What you wish for
by Samalander
Summary: Finished! Jesse looks back and wonders if one night of happiness is worth an eternity of loneliness...
1. What you wish for

In the morning, he was gone. When she'd gone to wake him, as she always did, his bed was empty, made up neat and tidy. The white rose bud in the vase on his nightstand, the one that had never seemed to blossom or die, was withering and dropping its milky white petals. Outside, his footprints led away out into the snow, then stopped suddenly where his bike had once been. The prints led from his window; he hadn't even taken the front door.  
  
Even though Jesse was the only one who knew that Janus, with all of his crisp white dress shirts, freshly pressed tailored jackets, and overall pristine cleanliness, was gone, there was still a feeling of emptiness in the big house. A feeling that something was missing.  
Janus had stayed with the quest family for two and a half years as Jesse's Guardian, a kind of godsent mystical bodyguard. At first, she'd hated him and his near-obsessive cleaning habits, but after he'd saved her life several times, flashed her his winning smile, and given her a shoulder to cry on, she'd warmed up to him. Over time, that friendly warmth had grown hot, burning, so that Jesse could not look at him, his eyes, his body, without feeling that same heat within her. She'd hid her feelings for months behind a casual mask, avoiding his eyes, shying away from his touch, until Janus had confronted her in her room and demanded to know what was going on. And she'd told him the truth.  
"I love you, Janus."  
  
A hundred emotions flickered in his glowing blue eyes. He shook himself, and his eyes settled into a heavy, dull look of sorrow. He shook his head. "You can't."  
  
Jesse blinked, taken aback. This wasn't supposed to happen. Janus was suppsed to express suprise, then shyly confess that he shared her feelings. *It shouldn't be like this,* she remembered thinking frantically. *Everything's wrong.*  
  
"Wh-why?" Jesse stammered. "Why can't I?"  
  
Janus sat on the bed, sighing. "It goes against the... The rules. Our relationship can't go beyond friendship. I'm sorry."  
  
"Can't go beyond-- What rules?" Jesse flared.  
  
Having returned to his incredibly annoying calm demeanor, Janus replied, "The same rules that forbid me from losing my temper with you, acting in ways that endanger you or are not in your best interest, refusing a reasonable request make by you, preventing you from--"  
  
"Wait a minute." Jesse cut him off. "Repeat that last one?"  
  
Janus crossed his arms over his chest. "Preventing you from aquiring a sufficient educa--"  
  
"No, the one before that," Jesse interrupted again. "'Refusing a request'."  
  
"Refusing a *reasonable* request made by you," Janus corrected cooly.  
  
Jesse sat next to him on the bed. "Right! So if I asked you to do something, you can't say no, is that what it means?"  
  
"Within reason," Janus was beginning to look pale, a sure sign he knew he was being led into a trap.  
  
Jesse nodded. "Of course. I wouldn't want to get you in trouble. All I want you to do is break one teeny little rule."  
  
Janus stood up, knowing right away what she was suggesting. "Don't make me do this, Jesse. It's wrong."  
  
"But if you could, if you could make this more than friendship, would you?" Jesse looked up at him, her eyes pleading. "All I want is a chance. I'll never meet anyone like you again, I just want a chance."  
  
Janus' eyes softened. "I--" He looked away, out the window. "I'll go and see the Judges, and ask them. If they say that it's all right, then..." He sighed again, but his eyes were smiling. "Then I'll give it a try."  
  
Jesse leapt off the bed and threw her arms around Janus' neck. Smiling, he gently pushed her away. "Not yet. I don't know what they'll say."  
  
Janus was gone all the next day, and Jesse contented herself by locking herself in his closet, enjoying the smell and feel of his clothes in the dark. When he returned in the evening and found her in there, he met her with a smile.  
  
  
Jonny looked up from his book. "Janus is gone?"  
  
" I think he left this morning," Jesse lied. She knew he had left just after she had fallen asleep, after he had put her in her own bed. "I don't know why." Another lie. She knew.  
  
Returning to his book, Jonny mumbled, "That's too bad."  
  
Jesse sighed and walked off. Janus had been everything to her, but to the rest of the Quests, he was only a scarcely seen visitor, someone who lived in the upstairs guest room down the hall from Jesse. To Jesse's father, Race, he was a silent predator, a disguised evil who was turning his daughter down all the wrong paths. When he learned that Janus had gone, he would see it as a miracle and congratulate himself on successfully driving the pest away. But the truth was, the fault was with Jesse herself.  
  
  
((Huh.... Do ya like it? I fixed all the errors ^^ And I should be continuing it soon...  
Ja ne!   
Samalander )) 


	2. Nothing to fear

  
Finally, chapter two (Well, it's only been a couple days, but whatever...) And, for those of you wondering what the hell is going on, and why the secondary main character and his relationship with Jesse is not posted anywhere, I'm getting around to it. I'm so smart, I thought I'd post the ending first, and then the rest of the series... ^^; Bear with me...   
  
WHAT YOU WISH FOR Chapter two!  
  
Nothing to Fear   
  
"They said yes?!" Exclaimed Jesse excitedly.   
  
Janus nodded. "In a way. They told me to try it for a month, and if there were no problems, to keep going." He smiled a little. "They seemed kind of amused, really."   
  
Jesse made a face. "They make it sound like you're taking some kind of new medication. Bunch of old codjers."   
  
"Those 'Old codjers' aren't called the All-seeing Ones for nothing. You should watch what you say." Janus sighed. "To tell you the truth, Jesse, I don't know if I'm going to be any good at this. The last time I dated was in the 1500's, and I wasn't much good at it back then, either."   
  
Jesse stepped the rest of the way out of Janus' closet, pulling her hair out of her face. "I don't expect you'll have to do much, Mr. Hunter," She smiled. "I've already fallen for you, and you've barely done anything."   
  
"I, um, r-right," Janus mumbled, taking a step back to allow her to pass. "Tell me... How is it done, in this age?"   
  
Jesse raised an eyebrow. "You are referring to dating, right?"   
Janus blushed deeply.  
  
Laughing, Jesse walked past him. "How about taking me to the movies?"   
  
  
Hadji was only a little bit more sympathetic than Jonny upon hearing the news of Janus' departure. "How unfortunate," He said softly. "How do you feel about it?"  
  
"I'm doing all right," Jesse responded, staring at the floor.  
Hadji nodded, looking concerned. "Please, tell me if there's anything I can do for you."   
  
"I will. Thank you." After leaving Hadji's room, Jesse walked down the hall, perfectly composed, until she reached Janus' room. Only when she had gone inside and closed the door did she break down in tears.   
  
Janus' closet was empty, his bed was cold.   
  
Laying in his bed for the second time since the night before, Jesse closed her eyes and remembered all that they done together. Everything that had led up to the night that had bonded them together, and simultaneously torn them apart.   
  
  
"Good night, Jesse." Janus turned to leave, feeling exhausted. He missed arranged marriages, when one didn't have to run the gauntlet of 'courtship'. On the other hand, where was the fun in that?   
  
"Janus."   
  
Looking back over his shoulder, Janus focused on Jesse. "Hm?"   
  
"Aren't you going to kiss me goodnight?"   
  
Janus turned back around and resumed his walk towards his room. "No."   
  
Jesse staggered against the doorway. "Why not?"   
  
"Not so soon." Janus cast another glance at her. "If you didn't know me, would you have still asked me to kiss you? One shouldn't rush into things."   
  
Jesse slammed the door, angry. "Why does he have to make so much sense all the time?!" She yelled into the silence.   
  
Janus was still struggling to get used to seeing Jesse as more than someone he had to protect. He supposed, under normal circumstances, he could come to like her, although Jesse's enthusiasm worried him. *I'm five hundred years old,* He thought resigndedly. *How old is she? Sixteen? I don't even know. In any case, she's just a little girl, I feel like a pedophile!* Nevertheless, if it was the one thing that would make her happy, he could warm up to her in time.   
  
  
*Janus could be so cold to me sometimes,* Jesse thought as she lay in Janus' bed. *But it was always to help me, to make me see the truth*. Janus had never been afraid to tell her like it was, about the world, about other people-- but when it came to himself, he was often disturbingly silent. They knew a lot about each other-- Jesse was claustrophobic, Janus was hydrophobic-- but it was never enough. Janus was secretive about his past, and if Jesse asked too many questions, he would lock up and refuse to move, like a stubborn ox.   
  
  
Janus looked up at the cave in, the dust still settling. *This is classic,* he thought bitterly. *Stuck in a cave with a claustrophobic teenager.*  
  
Jesse hadn't started to hyperventilate yet, but as she stared at the massive mound of rubble that blocked their only exit, she was looking more and more panicked. She turned to Janus as he brushed dust off his jacket, looking disgruntled. "Can you get us out of here?"   
  
Janus took a look at the darkness around him, then shook his head. "I don't think so. Not without killing everyone else in the cave systems, anyway. From what I figure, we're gonna be stuck in here for a little while."   
  
Jesse paled and moved to his side, shrinking back from the walls of rock. "H-how long?"   
  
"Not sure." Janus put an arm around her. "Don't look at it, Jesse. Don't think about it. Close your eyes."   
  
Jesse complied, and Janus held her a little closer. "You're not going to die in here, Jesse, don't you worry." He smiled wryly. "Do you know how much trouble I'd be in if you did?"   
  
"That isn't helping, Janus," Jesse mumbled, sounding terrified.   
  
Janus sighed. "Sorry. Come on, let's sit down." He helped Jesse to sit, and when he was finished, they were even closer than before.   
"Jesse," Janus said after a time. "Do you remember when we went to New Orleans, how I fell off the pier?"   
  
"You didn't fall, dad pushed you, I saw the whole thing."   
  
Janus shrugged. "Well, I wasn't going to mention that part, but I fell nonetheless."  
  
"You looked like a drowned rat." Jesse giggled. "It took you forever to get dry."   
  
"I remember," Janus grumbled. "Caught a cold, too. But that isn't the point. Do you realize how terrified I was when I fell in there?"   
  
Jesse shook her head. "No... Can't you swim?"   
  
"I can. And I wouldn't drown, remember? My body would be transported to Elipsis via the Dead People Express before I took the last breath of, er, water." Janus scowled. "But I was real scared. I couldn't move, couldn't think. It's a wonder I came up at all. I just want you to know that everybody gets scared sometimes, even me."   
  
Jesse opened her eyes and looked up at him. His face was glowing-- no-- it was his eyes, his eyes were glowing faintly as if lit from within. "What makes you so scared?"   
  
Janus remained silent, remembering grappling with a dark stranger, falling into the water. Their blood had lured the sharks, but the Other was already dead...   
  
"Janus?"   
  
"It's nothing. It just makes me nervous."   
  
  
  
END OF CHAPTER TWO! Whaddya think! Review please! More chapters on the way! Ja ne!   
  
--Samalander 


	3. Rival

CHAPTER THREE! How exciting! If anybody wants to give me an idea for a new chapter, just pick your favorite episode and describe it to me in an email (Nosuchangel@Hotmail.com) and I'll see what I can do. Reviews (even bad ones) are always appreciated...!  
  
WHAT YOU WISH FOR CHAPTER THREE:  
  
Rival  
  
Janus' first kiss to Jesse was short and unspectacular; he had held her close and brushed his lips against hers in an effort to cheer her up, and it had worked. They had shared their first meaningful kiss in Jesse's room, after they'd returned from a particularly long trip to South America.  
  
  
Jesse dropped her jacket on the floor, sighing. "I never want to see another spider as long as I live," she said emphatically. "What an awful trip."   
  
Janus shrugged as he watched her from the doorway. " I would think you'd expect this kind of thing to happen by now. That's why I'm here."  
  
"I know," Jesse picked up her hairbrush. "It's just-spiders?" She shuddered. "Eugh."  
  
Janus ventured a few more steps into the room, closing the door halfway. "You don't like spiders?"  
  
"They don't usually bother me," Jesse admitted, "But there were just so many of them-remember? All over the temple walls and floor."  
  
"I remember." Janus came up behind Jesse and put his arms around her waist. "You were very brave, though. You didn't look one bit scared."  
  
Jesse smiled, leaning back against him. "Thanks." She twisted around so she could look up at him. "Were you scared?"  
  
"Only when you fell into that pit."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I thought I was going to lose you."  
  
Jesse remembered Janus diving into the pit after her and saving her. She'd been so scared that she hadn't stopped to think about what he might be feeling. "Oh," She said softly. Silence descended.  
  
Janus held Jesse's gaze for a long moment, then leaned forward and kissed her gently. He took her hand in his and turned her the rest of the way around, placing his other hand in the middle of her back. The kiss lasted for a second, maybe two, before Janus pulled away and smiled down at Jesse. She glanced almost involuntarily at her bed, at which time Janus quickly bade her goodnight and made a hasty retreat.  
  
  
Jesse smiled in spite of her sorrow as she remembered kissing Janus. It had been the first of many; a big step in their relationship as they grew closer and closer together. At the same time, her father disapproved more and more of their relationship, frequently pulling Jesse aside to remind her why guardians came to be--they had sinned, they were evil, they were not to be trusted. "He must've done something so bad that even the powers that Be were shocked," Race would often whisper. "That's why they had to step in."  
  
Jesse couldn't bring herself to believe that Janus was really that evil, no more evil than the rest of society, anyway. She did often see him glare at their enemies with a coldness in his eyes that scared her, but that was their enemies. She was different--he loved her... But not enough to stay...  
  
Pulling the covers over her head, Jesse recalled the only person besides her father that had threatened to pull her and Janus apart.   
  
  
Jonny gaped up at the woman standing in the doorway. "Y-you're looking for who?" He stammered, his face heating up.  
  
The woman, a tall, intimidating blonde with shoulder-length hair that curled defiantly at the bottom and intense gray-green eyes, looked down her slender nose at the wide-eyed boy. "Janus. Hunter. Understand? Fetch him, I know he's here."  
  
Jonny closed his mouth, swallowed hard, and ran up the main staircase, calling Janus' name. The woman stepped into the entryway and closed the door behind her, then straightened her hair and clothes with a hint of anxiety. She looked up as Janus came out of the guestroom and down the stairs.   
  
As Jesse watched from the upstairs banister, she saw Janus stiffen, and slow his progress down the stairs. Finally, he stopped at the foot of the stairs and said incredulously, "Estre?"  
  
The woman smiled, looking like a smug cat. "Janus." She held out her arms. "It's been a few decades, Janus, aren't you even going to say hello?"  
  
"Hello, Estre," Janus mumbled, avoiding her eyes. "What can I do for you?"  
  
Estre stepped forward and enveloped Janus in her arms. "You can greet me with a kiss." She pressed her lips to his.  
  
Janus stood shocked for a moment, then grimaced and pushed the overeager woman away. "Estre, really. Maybe when it's a little more appropriate?"   
  
"It depends on what you deem 'appropriate'," Estre purred.  
  
Janus glared. "Estre." He glanced around at the Quest family, which had gathered while Janus 'greeted' Estre. He sighed. "Everyone, this is-"  
  
"Estrelania," The visitor finished for him. "I'm a very-" She smiled. "*Very* good friend of Janus'."  
  
Janus sighed and shook his head again. Jonny was the first to speak up. "Nice to meet you! My name's Jonny!" He came down the stairs, where he had been watching Janus with Jesse.  
  
Jesse half listened to the rest of her family introduce themselves while her mind raced(no pun intended, hehe). *Janus didn't tell me about her,* she thought, panicking. *What is she to him? They're lovers, I know it. How could he do this to me?*  
  
Hadji nudged her. "Jesse, they are waiting for you to introduce yourself."  
  
Jesse nodded and walked down the stairs, then held out her hand for Estre to shake. "My name is Jessica," She said shakily, trying to make her name sound exotic. "It's a pleasure."  
  
The rest of the Quest team stared at her while she shook Estrelania's hand calmly and went to stand beside Janus.   
  
The visitor flipped her hair over her shoulder carelessly. "It was lovely meeting you all, but if you'll excuse me, Janus and I have to have a little talk."  
  
Jesse cast a glance up at Janus, and saw that his expression was dark, angry, and annoyed. She almost smiled. Maybe this 'Estre' person wasn't as big a threat as she thought. Estrelania took Janus' hand and led him up the stairs into the guestroom without another word. The door closed silently.  
  
"I knew it," Race growled softly. "Look at the kind of people he hangs out with. The girl's a hussy."  
  
Jonny reddened. "I thought she was nice."  
  
"She certainly was... Friendly," Hadji put in.  
  
"I hate her," Jesse declared. "And Janus does, too. I can tell. She's rude, and--and slutty, and--"  
  
"Whoever she is, and whatever she's here for, she won't be staying long," Dr. Quest interrupted. "Guardians aren't allowed to have long-term guests. We'll just put up with her until she leaves. She is a friend of Janus', and you all know how much he's done for all of us. Be considerate to Estrelania, at least for his sake."  
  
There was a heavy silence for a moment, then the children and Race agreed to be polite to their guest-for the time being.  
  
  
((That'll be all for now, since my friend (Who has the hand-written rough draft of the story) has gone on vacation for two weeks. Sorry, you'll have to wait for the whole thing.... Ja ne!  
--Samalander))  



	4. Things Best Forgotten

What you wish for chapter FOUR!   
  
Things Best Forgotten  
  
Estre closed the door, shutting herself and Janus into Janus' room. She smiled. "Now that we're alone, there's some things I'd like to talk about," She said softly. Janus glared.  
  
"This relationship is far past over, Estrelania," He said sternly. "I may only be a Guardian, but I have rights. I don't want you harrassing me any longer."  
  
"Harrassing you?" Estre looked hurt. "Is that what you think I'm doing?" She stepped a little closer, noticing as she did that she was at least an inch taller than Janus was-- he hadn't grown at all since they last met. "I love you, Janus, I always have. I just want a second chance..."  
  
"I cannot and will not," Janus replied firmly. "I haven't the time nor the patience to look after you any longer. And besides--"  
  
Estre frowned. "I know what it is," She interrupted softly. "It's that girl. 'Jessica'. She's got red hair just like your mother's--"  
  
She had hit Janus' soft spot. "Shut up."  
  
"--Just like poor Maria's," Estre continued hatefully, "Who was blinded in the war and abandoned by her husband. All you want is a little motherly love, right Janus? I never knew you could be that way. How old is she? Will you ditch her too, just like your--"  
  
Janus snarled and slapped Estre, who gave a cry of pain and staggered into the wall. He grabbed her by the collar and yanked her down to his level. "If you ever talk about my Mother like that again, I'll rip your throat out," He growled, almost too low to hear. "You should know better than to tempt a murderer." He let her go, and she straightened, rubbing her neck painfully.  
  
"I'm sorry Janus," Estre whispered, trying a different tactic, "But I'm jealous of her. How could she win you over when I never could?"  
  
"She doesn't lie to me," Janus grumbled, slumping on his bed.   
  
Estre sat next to him. "I won't lie to you anymore, I promise. Don't be so quick to turn me away, Janus-- sure, we had some hard times... But don't you remember what else we had? Heat, desire, passion... She could never satisfy you like I could." She ran her fingers through Janus' hair. Her jerked away. "I know you're not allowed to touch her past a certain point," Estre breathed, "I know how you are, what you really want. You're like an animal in a cage, just waiting to be let out."  
  
Janus stared at his hands, silent.  
  
"Think, Janus. You know I'm right." Estre touched Janus' cheek, and this time he didn't move. "Maybe we aren't right for each other, but don't you think we could work something out..?"  
  
Hadji winced as Jesse stood on his shoulders. "Really, Jesse, I think this is a gross invasion of privacy. If they have shut the door, they most likely do not want you looking in on them."  
  
Jesse glared down at him. "And what could they be doing that they don't want me to see, eh? Just think of me as the well-meaning nosy girlfriend."  
  
Hadji shook his head, sighing, and lifted Jesse farther up so she could look over Janus' balcony into his window. Jesse scrambled up, trying to see without being seen. "Just-- a little-- more..." She finally got a foothold on the balcony, and looked in through the french doors to Janus' room. And gasped.  
  
Janus was kissing her, that woman Estre. It wasn't a peck on the cheek, nothing friendly about it, and he wasn't being kissed against his will again, either. He was full on kissing her on the lips, running his fingers through her long hair, slowly sliding his hand up her shirt--  
  
Jesse faltered and lost her balance, then fell. She crashed to the ground with a yelp and a crack from her arm. She lay there a for a few moments, dazed, before the pain hit and she curled up. Hadji ran over to her. "Jesse! Are you badly hurt?!"  
  
"I-- I think I broke my arm," Jesse said shakily, trying not to cry.   
  
Jonny ran out the them. "What happened?!"  
  
There was a sound like a door slamming open and a femenine cry, then a thump on the ground next to them, and suddenly Janus was kneeling there next to her. "Jesse, come on, it's going to be all right..."  
  
All through the trip to the hospital and the whole time there with the doctor, Janus didn't ask any questions of Jesse, not how she broke her arm, not why she was outside his window. He only stroked her hair and told her it was going to be all right and whispered reassurances, as if she had just fallen out of a tree. Or as if he knew. Estre had followed the ambulance in her car, speeding along behind it like a little blue bullet. She mostly stayed in the background while at the hospital, but once when Jesse looked over at her she thought she saw the awful woman smiling smugly.  
  
Hours later, back in the big house, Janus sat by Jesse's bedside and watched over her silently. Estre was supposedly waiting for him in his room. Jesse stared at Janus as he stared out the window at the moon for at least a quarter of an hour, when finally she found she couldn't take it anymore. Softly, she asked, "So aren't you wondering how I broke my arm?"  
  
"It isn't any of my business, unless you'd like to tell me," Janus replied calmly, with a touch of bitterness in his voice.  
  
Jesse shrank down under her blankets. "You know, don't you."  
  
"Yes. I know."  
  
"Aren't you mad at me?"  
  
"We've both done some things we shouldn't have," Janus said, sighing. "And I think we should put it behind us."  
  
Jesse snorted. "Are you going to put Estre behind you? What's she going to do back there?"  
  
Janus tore his gaze from the moon for a moment to give Jesse a look that froze her to the core. He looked back out at the stars before continuing. "Estrelania, unfortunatlely, is a mistake that I keep on making. It's hard to--" He paused. "The things she says make too much sense. I have sent her away, but she will no doubt be back."  
  
"And this is going to happen again?"   
  
"Perhaps. Hopefully not." Janus shook his head and leaned down to kiss Jesse on the cheek. He smelled of caramel. "It's late, and you've had a long day... You should get some rest. I'll be in my room."  
  
"Alone?"  
  
With a hint of sorrow that Jesse didn't quite catch, Janus replied, "Yes. Alone."  
  
  
END of chapter four  
  
Didja like it?? I need reviews, I am starved for reviews...  
Ja ne!  
  
--Samalander 


	5. Friends and Family

WHAT YOU WISH FOR  
Chapter FIVE!!  
Friends and Family  
  
  
Jesse slid off of Janus' bed and slumped on the floor. She lay there for a   
moment, panting, then noticed something small and flat and dusty under the   
bed. Curious, she reached for it.  
  
It was an old, tattered book, whose pages had once been blank, but now were   
filled with Janus' neat, hard-edged handwriting. The ink was blue, spreading   
purple at the edges from age. She remembered this book. Janus had usually   
kept it in a jacket pocket, close to his heart. In it were poems, thoughts,   
memories... Secrets. She'd only actually touched it once before, when Janus   
had dropped it and she had picked it up to give it back to him. He had   
snatched it away, looking horrified. And now... He'd left it behind? Jesse   
cautiously flipped through the pages, half-expecting Janus to come storming   
into the room, angry that she'd found his notebook. But the door remained   
closed, the house was still and silent.  
  
Jesse read a few snatches of writing here and there, looking for something   
that might help her understand Janus-the things he had done, why he had done   
them. As she turned the pages, she noticed some of Janus' sketches, mostly   
of people she didn't recognize. One of the pictures was actually a painting,   
done on a scrap of canvas and pasted into the book. It looked like her. A   
lot like her. But the date on the page read OCTOBER 17, 1513. That was   
hundreds of years before Jesse had been born, so who-she turned the page,   
looking. On the back, scribbled hastily on the buckled, aged paper was   
"Maria Amoura Hunter, 1513."  
Hunter? Janus' mother...  
  
  
Jesse cradled her broken arm, now set in a pink cast, as she sat in the   
seat next to Janus on the Dragonfly. Janus was staring out the window   
boredly.* Thinking, * Jesse guessed, then blinked and looked again. * No...   
Looking for enemy planes... No rest for the wicked, I guess, which means   
Janus doesn't get any rest either. * She watched his blue eyes, reflecting   
the light from outside but still dark with emotion, with... Guilt? Maybe it   
was because of Estre. Jesse sighed. Maybe she had taken it too far, maybe he   
had his reasons... But...  
  
"Where are we going again?" Janus asked suddenly, turning his fiery-cold   
gaze on her. Jesse jumped and blushed a little. She'd been leaning rather   
close.  
"South America," She finally managed to say. "Not back to that awful   
temple, thank goodness. To see my mother."  
  
Janus turned a shade of white that made his dark blue eyes stand out even   
more. "Y-your what..?"  
  
"My mother," Jesse replied, casually turning away from his burning stare.   
"You know. Dad and my mom are divorced... So my mom lives in South America."   
She turned back to him and asked, "You * have * a mother, don't you?" And   
immediately wished she hadn't.  
  
"I... I used to," Janus replied softly. "But I've... I've been alive for   
awhile, and since she really didn't have anything to do with... What   
happened..." He looked back out the window. "She died of old age a very long   
time ago." And he refused to say another word for the rest of the trip.  
  
Jesse had hoped that the warmth and colors of her mother's town would lift   
Janus' mood, but he seemed bored with it all. He stepped out of the plane,   
straightened his collar, then looked around at the scenery and seemed to   
just dismiss it all. * I hate that haughty attitude of his, * Jesse found   
herself thinking. * Can't he appreciate anything? * Then she remembered that   
he'd been around for almost five hundred years, and concluded that he'd   
probably seen it all a few too many times.  
"You think the doctor and the boys will be all right by themselves at the   
compound?" Janus asked, more out of a need for conversation than actual   
worry.  
Race came around the other side of the plane from the cockpit. "They're *   
his * boys," He said darkly. "Benton isn't incompetent." An unsaid 'unlike   
you' rang loud in the silence.  
Janus didn't even bother to give Race his characteristic frosty glare.   
Something was bothering him. He was thinking about Estrelania, about what   
she'd said to him to hurt him. 'She's got red hair, right? Just like your   
mother...' Janus brushed dust off his coat nervously. Jesse really was just   
a younger version of his own mother-and if Estella-  
"Janus? Janus, come on, let's get in the car before my dad loses it." Jesse   
cast a worried glance at her father, who was looking decidedly murderous.  
Janus hastened to the car, for a moment losing his cool, collected   
demeanor, And sat in the backseat with Jesse. Race was sitting in the   
passenger's seat up front, and someone Janus didn't recognize was driving.   
Janus eyed him warily. Jesse caught him. "Something wrong?" She whispered.  
Janus indicated the driver, leaning closer to Jesse to keep the   
conversation to themselves. "I don't know him..."  
Jesse glanced at the driver, then back at Janus. "So? Neither do I-he's a   
chauffeur. He drives. It doesn't matter who he is."  
Janus looked out the side window. "I'm a guardian. It's my job to know who   
he is. To protect you."  
Jesse felt warm all over, and she smiled. "Well if you want, you can ask   
him for his credentials when we get there. I'm sure he won't mind too much."  
Janus was still staring out the window. "It might be too late by then... Oh   
well... I suppose if something happened I could take care of it, but..."  
"But?"  
Janus covered his eyes with his hand, sighing. "But I'm so tired..."  
  
Jesse turned a few more pages. She saw a page with a lot of close, hastily   
scribbled writing, and one line in bold, capital letters that read   
IMMORTALITY IS A GODDAMNED CURSE. Jesse winced. She'd never heard Janus   
swear past the occasional 'dammit!' that he hissed when he was angry, and   
seeing it here, she almost couldn't believe that it had been he who wrote   
it. She kept turning the pages.  
She found a few pages that had what seemed to be pieces of poems on them,   
one or two-lined rhyming sentences that didn't seem to fit together-"Glass   
diamonds, glass roses, glass women and glass prose... Everything is made of   
glass, everything is made to be broken and swept up by the pretty maids in   
Miss Mary's garden." Under this, written in small, light writing, as if the   
words themselves were thinking, was "Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does   
your garden grow?"  
Jesse shook her head and got back up on Janus' bed to read. If she hadn't   
known him personally before reading his notebook, she would have thought   
Janus was insane. "But he-he wasn't," Jesse said aloud. "He was just...   
Smart... And..." She trailed off and paused at another page.  
"How old am I? Seventeen, fifteen, four hundred ninety seven... I thought   
my life ended when I left my hometown, only to have it end once more in the   
jaws of those dark waters. I have a three thousand year sentence for   
something that I never did, or didn't mean to do, anyway. I think having to   
live this long is punishment enough, and I haven't even carried out a third   
of my sentence..."  
Jesse was slowly beginning to realize that maybe the Janus she had known   
was not the real Janus... That what she had fallen in love with was a mask   
of politeness and duty that wasn't really him at all... It scared her to   
think of it.  
  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
((You know what, I barely think anyone's reading this anymore... If this vow   
of silence stuff keeps up I'm not gonna waste my time on this fic any   
longer... Poo! I need feedback, I need reviews...  
Sigh... Ja ne.  
--Samalander))  
  



	6. The Beginning of An End

WHAT YOU WISH FOR  
Chapter SIX!  
The Beginning of an End  
  
  
Jesse tucked Janus' notebook under her arm and headed back to her room. She flopped on her own bed, sighing. Things were going to be different without Janus around. But things had been different before; for months before Janus left, he had been tired, dragging his feet, stopping to rest frequently when before he had always been awake and alert.  
  
  
It was after they'd visited Jesse's mother when she found out what he'd been doing.  
  
Janus had seemed more distant of late, he would kiss her, but not with the same passion as before. It was as if he was only doing it to please her, not because he really wanted to. She'd also noticed that his clothes smelled different, yet familiar somehow. The smell wasn't unpleasant-- Jesse couldn't imagine anything about Janus being unpleasant-- but it filled her with dread.  
  
When asked what was wrong, Janus would just shake his head and mutter that the light hurt his eyes, or he hadn't gotten enough sleep, or sometimes refuse to reply at all.   
  
Jesse was lying in her bed, trying to figure out what could be wrong with Janus, when she heard a soft sound coming from Janus' bedroom. It was late, and the house was silent save for this soft murmur, almost a whimper. Worried, Jesse slid out of bed and padded down the hall.  
  
Janus' door was open only a crack, and gave itself away by spilling a shaft of golden light out into the darkened hallway. Standing outside his door, Jesse heard Janus sigh, then someone whispered his name. Jesse recognized that voice right away-- that woman Estrelania!  
  
Jesse moved slowly to get a better look inside, and caught a glimpse of Janus' bare skin before rage blurred her vision. She was about to kick open the door and tear the two lovers apart when a thought struck her.  
  
"Avoid confrontation if you're outnumbered," Janus had told her once. "Use your head. Be patient and wait until the time is right to make your move."  
  
Jesse took a deep breath and backed away from the door slowly, trying to control her anger. She went back to her own cold, lonely room and lay down in her bed. Jealousy and rage kept her awake as she plotted her confrontation for the next morning. No wonder he'd been so tired... He still loved Estre, no matter what he said to anyone, even himself. "How could he do this to me?" Jesse whispered, tears stinging her eyes and trailing hotly down her cheeks. "If he knew-- he *knew* that she would come for him!"  
  
She slept and dreamt that Janus was holding her in his arms, kissing her. "I'm sorry," He was saying, "But you're just a little girl..."  
  
In the morning, she went to wake Janus and half-expected Estre to still be there in his bed. She was gone, and Jesse wondered if she had only imagined what she saw until she noticed that Janus' jet black hair was tousled and he wasn't wearing a stitch of clothing under the sheets. Gritting her teeth, Jesse leaned over and shook him. He opened one dark blue eye and looked at her sleepily. "Mmm?"  
  
"It's time to get up," Jesse said simply, and left the room. Janus sat up and blinked at her, confused.  
  
Jesse had been planning to confront Janus first thing in the morning, but she couldn't get the courage to do it. What would he say to her? Could be possibly break her heart any more than it already was? She spent the day chewing on her nails and casting angry glances at him. If he noticed her anxiety, he didn't say anything.  
  
It was Saturday, and the Quests went out to see a movie, Race and Jesse included. As usual, Janus didn't get very invovled in it, between keeping an eye out for danger and ignoring Race's barbed comments, he was busy enough as it was. Jesse didn't even remember what the movie was about, because sitting so close to Janus made her angrier by the second.  
  
Finally, that night, as they were re-entering the house, Janus caught hold of Jesse's arm and pulled her close to him, letting the rest of the family go in unaware. When they were alone on the front porch, Janus lifted Jesse's chin gently. "You've been acting strange all day," He said softly. "What's wrong?"  
  
"I know what you've been doing with Estre," Jesse hissed accusingly, angry tears filling her eyes. "I saw you last night. How could you do this?" She pushed him away from her.  
  
There was a long pause as Janus stared at her, shocked. "Jesse--" He began, then stopped and lowered his voice. "I'm sorry, Jesse, I didn't want you to know, and I don't know how to explain it to you."  
  
"Then you admit to it?"  
  
"Yes." Janus was as calm as he'd ever been.   
  
"I hate you! Why did you do this, I thought you loved me!"  
  
Janus started. "When did I-- why do you--" He sighed. "I did tell you that Estrelania might be back. "  
  
Jesse wiped away her tears angrily. "That's not an excuse!"  
  
Janus shook his head. "You're right. It's not. I can tell you the truth, if you'd like, but I'm warning you now that it may... Turn out badly in the end."  
  
Jesse swallowed, her anger subsiding, her throat closing. "W... What do you mean?"  
  
Janus took a step forward and enveloped Jesse in his arms. "I do love you, Jesse. I love you more than I've loved anyone else in my whole life..." He held her close and brushed his lips against her cheek, and Jesse realized he was shaking. "It isn't... F-fair that I couldn't meet you until now... It isn't fair that this is happening to me! Do you know what they'll do to me if I did what I wanted to? If I could really kiss you and love you the way that I've always dreamed? They'd never let me go, I'd never be able to rest, they'd make me walk this earth as a damned spectre for all eternity! They'd force me to watch you grow old and die without me..." A tear dripped onto Jesse's cheek. He was crying. "So I go with Estrelania and just close my eyes, pretend that I'm still alive and that I have blood running through me, that one day I'll die. I pretend that it isn't her at all, that it's--"  
He was cut off as Jesse forced her lips against his, pressing herself against him. He slid his hands over her waist, and anything he'd been using to hold himself back crumbled away.  
  
Janus' hands were strong in her hair, his breath on her skin hot, burning, fueled by the furnace inside of them both that boiled away anything that would make them want to stop. It was everything Jesse had imagined, had dreamed it would be, and better than that. It was like he was a different person now-- free, loving, quivering all over. Jesse could hear her voice, speaking without words, but she hardly realized it was she that made those sounds. It lasted forever and ever, for an eternity until Janus was laying next to her and kissing her gently, and she couldn't stay awake any longer...  
  
She woke in her own bed, wrapped in a sheet that smelled of him, yet she knew that what she remembered wasn't a dream-- it had been real. But something bothered her, something else that she couldn't quite remember--  
  
And when she went to wake him, as she always did, he was gone.  
  
END of Chapter six  
  
((GASP! I'm getting all teary-eyed... Sniffle.... One more chapter to go, are you ready?? Ja ne!  
--Samalander)) 


	7. Sweet Sorrow

WHAT YOU WISH FOR  
Chapter SEVEN!! The FINAL chapter!  
Sweet Sorrow  
  
Jesse stared at Janus' painting of his mother in his notebook. The look in the woman's eyes seemed to say, "I'm sorry it has to be this way."  
  
Closing the book, Jesse closed her eyes and curled up on her bed, sniffling. Janus had been the best friend she'd ever had, even if he was a little strange. He'd always given her good advice, always comforted her when she was sad and always, always protected her. And in the end, she'd forced him to do something awful, the one thing that tore them apart. "I'm sorry, Janus," She whispered, trying to hold back tears.  
  
"Sorry for what?"  
  
Jesse gasped and fell off the bed, into the lap of an unprotesting Janus. He looked down at her, his blue eyes shining. A few moments passed in silence, and finally Janus repeated, "Sorry for what?"  
  
Jesse threw her arms around his neck, sobbing. "Y-you came back," She choked, clinging to him. "I thought I'd lost you."  
  
Janus held her gently. "I've some news," He said softly. He paused, trying to think of a way to tell her. "The Judges are a bit cross with me... I've broken practically every rule there is."  
  
Jesse looked up at him. "But they're going to let you stay, right? Right?!"  
  
Janus drew a ragged breath and shook his head. "No. I'm being reassigned." He put a finger to Jesse's lips as she started to prostest. "I knew I was doing the wrong thing from the start... I've brought this upon myself. And the Judges' word is absolute. There's no arguing with them."  
  
Jesse buried her face in his chest, shaking. Janus sighed and stroked her hair. "It's been two years," He reasoned. "That's a long time for a Guardian to stay with one person. And-- it couldn't have ever worked out anyway, Jesse; you need to find someone your own age, someone--" He paused, pained. "Someone normal."  
  
"I don't want someone normal!" Jesse flared. "I want you! Why are they doing this to you?"  
  
Janus looked into her eyes. "Because I killed someone, Jesse. Because I deserve to be punished for what I've done. You have to understand, and even if you don't, you have to accept that I can't stay with you any longer. Alright?"  
  
Jesse grew quiet, and closed her eyes. "So you came back just to tell me?"  
  
"And to get my notebook," Janus nodded, "But you can keep it."  
  
Jesse clutched the book to her chest. "Thank you."  
  
Akward silence descended. Jesse's eyes slid away from Janus'. She couldn't bear to see the pain in them any longer. His hands were warm against hers, and she was so close to him that she could almost feel his heartbeat. She wanted to save this moment forever, to keep Janus with her, but all too soon he leaned down and kissed her on the lips briefly. "I should go."  
  
"Wait," Jesse pleaded as Janus stood up, towering over her. "Can't you come back-- to visit? To check on me?"  
  
Janus extended a hand to help her to her feet. "Don't tell anyone," He whispered with a smile, "But I'll try. Will you promise that you'll go on without me? That you'll find someone new?"  
  
"I couldn't..."  
  
Janus took her face in his hands. "Promise me."  
  
Jesse swallowed hard, tears spilling down her cheeks. "I... I p-promise."  
  
Janus nodded and kissed her again, deeply. Jesse held tight to him, never wanting to let go, but suddenly, she held nothing at all and she lurched forward. She gasped. "Janus?"  
  
Silence.  
  
"No, please don't go!!" She sank to her knees, sobbing, clutching his book.  
  
After a time, Jesse opened the book once more to the first page, where a new insription read:  
  
  
"What was, was. What is, is. What will be is entirely up to you. Don't forget your promise, and I won't forget mine.  
  
--Janus Jason Hunter"  
  
  
NOT THE END...  
  
  
((Uuuuuaaaaahhhhhhh!!! *sniffle sniffle* so sad, so sad... Okay, I finished it, now you HAVE to review it! You have to! Rrg. Ja ne!  
--Samalander)) 


End file.
